Dear Bailey,

I recently adopted a parrot named Captain Squawk, and I've been trying to teach him to say words for weeks now with absolutely no success. I've tried repeating words slowly, using treats as rewards, playing recordings of words on loop while I sleep, and even singing to him like he's a toddler at storytime. Captain Squawk remains completely silent except for his occasional honking sounds that sound like a confused car alarm. My friends keep asking if he's learning anything, and I'm starting to wonder if he's just refusing to cooperate out of spite. Am I doing something wrong, or did I adopt a parrot who's already decided he doesn't like me?

Sincerely,

Polly Want a Clue

Dear Polly Want a Clue,

First, let me assure you that your parrot has not launched a silent protest against your existence, though I respect the level of drama that would entail. What you're experiencing is actually quite common, and the good news is that Captain Squawk is probably capable of speech. The bad news is that your current approach might be about as effective as my attempts to convince my human that sleeping on the couch is a valid lifestyle choice.

Here's the thing about parrots: they're not tiny feathered toddlers who simply need patient repetition. They're intelligent creatures with opinions, preferences and what I can only describe as spite. Yes, spite. I know it well. Captain Squawk will pick up words when he decides it's in his best interest, and that timing is entirely up to him. I'm not saying parrots are stubborn, but let's just say we mammals who are also stubborn recognize the look.

The first issue might be your timing and environment. Parrots learn best during their active periods, which are typically early morning and early evening. Playing recordings while you sleep is basically asking Captain Squawk to absorb information while he's dozing, which is unfair considering how grumpy I get when someone tries to teach me tricks while I'm napping. Keep your training sessions short, no more than 10 to 15 minutes, and stick to a consistent schedule. Birds have excellent memories and appreciate routine, kind of like how I remember exactly when dinner is supposed to happen, down to the minute.

Second, reconsider your word choices. Parrots tend to mimic sounds they find interesting or rewarding. If you've been drilling him with boring words like "hello" or "goodbye," he's probably judging you silently. Try words with more dynamic sounds, particularly those with hard consonants or unusual tones. Some parrots are drawn to higher-pitched sounds, while others prefer lower tones. Experiment a bit. Also, incorporate more interactive games and positive reinforcement beyond just treats. Some parrots respond better to praise, head scratches or the simple joy of spending time with you.

Here's another consideration: Captain Squawk might actually be learning, but he's simply choosing not to perform for you like some feathered stage actor demanding better working conditions. Parrots often practice words when they think nobody's listening. Try strategically leaving voice recorders around, or just pay attention during your regular interactions. He might be saying things when you're not directly watching him, which is exactly the kind of passive resistance I admire.

Also, make sure you're modeling the behavior you want. Speak clearly, use animated facial expressions and vary your intonation. Parrots watch us constantly, processing far more than we realize. If you mumble or seem uninterested in what you're saying, he will absolutely pick up on that energy and respond with apathy.

Finally, give it time. Some parrots pick up words within weeks, while others need months. Patience isn't just a virtue here; it's a requirement. Captain Squawk will eventually realize that mimicking your words might actually be entertaining, and when he does, you'll probably regret teaching him anything at all.

Best of luck,

Bailey

Ask the Pet is a friendly advice column written by Bailey, a German Shepherd with endless enthusiasm and a heart of gold. Each installment answers a submitted pet dilemma with warm, earnest, tail-wagging guidance. The tone is wholesome and lighthearted, pairing genuinely useful tips with Bailey's irrepressible good cheer. Send your questions for Bailey to bailey@creators.com.