DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and my 19-year-old boyfriend recently broke up with me and enlisted in the military. He said it was time we part ways permanently and get on with our lives as individuals.

He told me he planned to spend at least four years in active duty, maybe longer. It was certainly a shock at first to hear all of this, but slowly, surely, I've come to accept it. This is my new reality, even though I don't like it much at all.

My current problem is not so much my breakup, but the fact that I don't sleep well and keep waking up almost every night thinking about him, wondering if he's safe and what our life together would have been had we gotten married after I graduated high school and started a family together.

I know this is just wishful thinking, and it's quite a fantasy at this point, but it keeps me from getting a good night's sleep. I've read a lot of research on sleep and I understand everything, like going to bed at the same time and making sure the room is dark and so forth.

All of that is fine, but none of it has helped me much. Do you have any ideas, no matter how unusual or creative they may be? I'm willing to try anything to try to get back to my normal routine and get on with my life. — He Left Me With Insomnia, via email

HE LEFT ME WITH INSOMNIA: Good for you that you've done some research on the topic and I applaud you for trying all of the standard methods that can help many people to get a better night of sleep regularly.

One of the more avant-garde and lesser-used suggestions from sleep experts and prudence includes the idea of what is called "progressive muscle relaxation" to be used immediately prior to bedtime. The idea here is to try to relax various muscles in your body and concentrate on them mentally, starting either from the top of your head down or from the bottom of your feet up. You take a particular segment, say the bottom of your foot and your toes and you try to relax them. You stretch them out a little bit, breathe in and out comfortably, and mentally focus on relaxing that part of your body. Continue north up your body, taking 30 seconds in each area. The whole process will take you about 5 minutes. You can also repeat this if and when you wake up unexpectedly in the middle of the night, as a method to try to return to sleep comfortably as soon as possible.

On top of that, I do have a unique suggestion for you. As you are doing the relaxation routine, see if you can simultaneously visualize a future, where you are happily in a relationship with a new, different guy who is completely compatible for you. Don't focus on any specific individual, but rather Just a generic guy who fits all of your wishes, hopes and dreams for a lifetime partner.

Adding this twist on top of the muscle relaxation technique may help your mind and subconscious to let go of your former boyfriend, who has moved on with his life, and plant his memory with the anticipation of meeting the person of your dreams at some point in your future.

MY NEW NAME IS CLOUDING WHAT SHOULD BE MY HAPPIEST DAY

DR. WALLACE: I'm getting married in about four months and there's an important issue my husband-to-be and I still haven't decided upon.

It's regarding my last name. About 2/3 of my family wants me to retain my maiden last name and hyphenate it with his last name. Ironically, roughly 2/3 of his family prefers to have me take their family name without the hyphenation. I've spent weeks talking to people on both sides of the issue. I wanted to make sure to hear everyone out and absorb the logic. Everyone is presenting. The result is I'm more confused now than ever.

What do you think is the right solution in a situation like this? — Need to Decide Soon, via email.

NEED TO DECIDE SOON: This is an issue between you and your husband; it's as simple as that. You two are going to be a married couple and what last name you're going to present to the world is something the two of you should be in complete harmony with.

Stop talking to everyone in both families and have some deep heart-to-heart talks with your husband about what his opinion is, where he's coming from and what he feels is best for the two of you. You should also state the same information back to him, and hopefully, the two of you will have a cohesive discussion that ends in a harmonious decision. I feel strongly that it's as simple as that. Seek to please each other rather than worrying about the in-laws on either side of the family.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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